Feel like you have 5 extraordinary posts contained in this one. Also funny I’m reading this now after I asked you about Becky Kennedy earlier as my wife and I listened to a podcast where she interviewed Reese Weatherspoon earlier today on Reese’s new book mainly around learning from failure. This post aligns with their discussion so well.
This article makes me wonder, are we teaching our kids to be resilient, or just obedient? It's a big difference. Obedience is about following our rules, but resilience is about navigating the world on their own terms. I've been thinking about what happens when we're not there to give the answers. What happens when they face a problem we've never even imagined? If we've (the parents) always controlled the narrative, will they have the confidence to write their own story? I guess my question is, how do we measure success in parenting? Is it about perfect behavior in our presence, or about their ability to thrive in our absence? My researcher brain is interested. Haha.
Oh my gosh—these are such great questions!! I think 3 posts and 20 notes could be born from this one comment! 🤯
You’ve really hit on something essential—Resilience vs. obedience is the heart of so many parenting dilemmas. It's about creating space for our kids to make decisions, take ownership, and handle challenges independently. And the question of measuring success in parenting—that’s a whole other layer. But I love how you’ve framed it: Are we raising kids who can thrive in our absence? That’s the key. I’ll definitely be digging deeper into how we actually define success as parents. Thank you so much for this insightful reply!
This is said so well Erin: “What if, instead of controlling every moment, we trusted ourselves and our children to navigate uncertainty together? What if, in those unpredictable moments, we found growth—not just for them, but for us as well?"
in an era of "over-planning your life" overlapped with helicopter-parenting and tiger-momming this level of parenting and leadership is very much needed.
This quote really stuck with me: "What if, instead of controlling every moment, we trusted ourselves and our children to navigate uncertainty together? What if, in those unpredictable moments, we found growth—not just for them, but for us as well?"
I’m so glad that quote resonated with you, Jennifer! It’s such a valuable question, and I think it really highlights the importance of trust—in ourselves as parents and in our children. Like we've talked about, it can be hard to step back and let go of control, especially when we’re used to managing every detail. But as you pointed out, those unpredictable moments are often where we find the most growth, not just for our kids, but for us as well. I also appreciate your insight—thanks so much for sharing!
Values vs. rules. I like your thinking. Rigid control is something I detested as a child, why should I parent that way. It created some stress when I was parenting with my partner as he has lived his life with a certain amount of rigidity. He does like his rules. It became a dance finding ways to help him bend and flex. The interesting part is as they reached their mid teens he did see value in giving them more space operate based on values instead of strict rules.
Thanks for sharing your experience, Nancy. The shift you and your partner navigated, especially as your kids hit their teens, highlights the power of giving kids space to operate based on values rather than strict rules.
Parenting is all about finding balance, and it sounds like you both learned how to bend and flex together. Your story is a great reminder that growth in parenting often happens over time, with a little flexibility along the way. Thanks again for sharing such an honest perspective!
I appreciate what you wrote about control, Erin, because I grew up under the umbrella of my mother's pathology of OCD. Everything was controlled, precisely. I grew up to be very afraid of almost anything that couldn't be explained or solved or understood.
As a mom myself, I'm growing into that guidance role and learning what surrender looks like for me in that role. Some boundaries are firm - like zero tolerance for violence - while others are flexible - like whether my kids get to eat dinner outside. It's a delicate dance of sorts, just trying to learn the steps along the way.
Thanks for sharing such a personal insight, Jeannie. I love how you’ve highlighted that some boundaries need to be firm, while others can be more adaptable—it's such a great example of how to navigate the complexities of parenting.
Surrendering control can be challenging, but it’s clear you’re growing into a role that emphasizes guidance over control. You're doing amazing work, and your kids are lucky to have you leading the way!
Feel like you have 5 extraordinary posts contained in this one. Also funny I’m reading this now after I asked you about Becky Kennedy earlier as my wife and I listened to a podcast where she interviewed Reese Weatherspoon earlier today on Reese’s new book mainly around learning from failure. This post aligns with their discussion so well.
Great stuff as always 👊🏻
Thank you! And I’ll queue up the podcast for my walk tomorrow morning.
This article makes me wonder, are we teaching our kids to be resilient, or just obedient? It's a big difference. Obedience is about following our rules, but resilience is about navigating the world on their own terms. I've been thinking about what happens when we're not there to give the answers. What happens when they face a problem we've never even imagined? If we've (the parents) always controlled the narrative, will they have the confidence to write their own story? I guess my question is, how do we measure success in parenting? Is it about perfect behavior in our presence, or about their ability to thrive in our absence? My researcher brain is interested. Haha.
Oh my gosh—these are such great questions!! I think 3 posts and 20 notes could be born from this one comment! 🤯
You’ve really hit on something essential—Resilience vs. obedience is the heart of so many parenting dilemmas. It's about creating space for our kids to make decisions, take ownership, and handle challenges independently. And the question of measuring success in parenting—that’s a whole other layer. But I love how you’ve framed it: Are we raising kids who can thrive in our absence? That’s the key. I’ll definitely be digging deeper into how we actually define success as parents. Thank you so much for this insightful reply!
This is said so well Erin: “What if, instead of controlling every moment, we trusted ourselves and our children to navigate uncertainty together? What if, in those unpredictable moments, we found growth—not just for them, but for us as well?"
As a parent to teenagers - 🙏🙏🙏!!!
Thanks, James. I really appreciate that.
I’m a growing parent, and a more effective one because of you. 😊
You are so kind. We’re all in this together. 😊
Thank you for putting it so succinctly.
in an era of "over-planning your life" overlapped with helicopter-parenting and tiger-momming this level of parenting and leadership is very much needed.
Thanks so much, Laura!
"When our kids are never allowed to struggle, they don’t learn to trust their instincts or handle discomfort.
Instead, they avoid problems and rely on others to fix things."
Amen to that. Wise elegant piece. Thanks.
Thank you, Carll!
This quote really stuck with me: "What if, instead of controlling every moment, we trusted ourselves and our children to navigate uncertainty together? What if, in those unpredictable moments, we found growth—not just for them, but for us as well?"
I’m so glad that quote resonated with you, Jennifer! It’s such a valuable question, and I think it really highlights the importance of trust—in ourselves as parents and in our children. Like we've talked about, it can be hard to step back and let go of control, especially when we’re used to managing every detail. But as you pointed out, those unpredictable moments are often where we find the most growth, not just for our kids, but for us as well. I also appreciate your insight—thanks so much for sharing!
"Our values are the roots of our parenting."
Values vs. rules. I like your thinking. Rigid control is something I detested as a child, why should I parent that way. It created some stress when I was parenting with my partner as he has lived his life with a certain amount of rigidity. He does like his rules. It became a dance finding ways to help him bend and flex. The interesting part is as they reached their mid teens he did see value in giving them more space operate based on values instead of strict rules.
Thanks for sharing your experience, Nancy. The shift you and your partner navigated, especially as your kids hit their teens, highlights the power of giving kids space to operate based on values rather than strict rules.
Parenting is all about finding balance, and it sounds like you both learned how to bend and flex together. Your story is a great reminder that growth in parenting often happens over time, with a little flexibility along the way. Thanks again for sharing such an honest perspective!
I appreciate what you wrote about control, Erin, because I grew up under the umbrella of my mother's pathology of OCD. Everything was controlled, precisely. I grew up to be very afraid of almost anything that couldn't be explained or solved or understood.
As a mom myself, I'm growing into that guidance role and learning what surrender looks like for me in that role. Some boundaries are firm - like zero tolerance for violence - while others are flexible - like whether my kids get to eat dinner outside. It's a delicate dance of sorts, just trying to learn the steps along the way.
Thanks for sharing such a personal insight, Jeannie. I love how you’ve highlighted that some boundaries need to be firm, while others can be more adaptable—it's such a great example of how to navigate the complexities of parenting.
Surrendering control can be challenging, but it’s clear you’re growing into a role that emphasizes guidance over control. You're doing amazing work, and your kids are lucky to have you leading the way!
You are such a natural encourager, Erin. I truly think that is one of your superpowers. I appreciate you. :)
So grateful to share this space with you, sweet Jeannie. Thank you. 🧡