This essay about generosity and the restraint thereof, is such a powerful message. I remember my dad telling me that failing is never the issue, not getting back up is. He would then go on about what is on the end of a pencil opposite the graphite point? After we would say "an eraser," he would assure us that everyone makes mistakes. Making mistakes are not the problem, not learning from them is. In his own way he was teaching us that parents can't, not they should try to fix everything, that we need room to grow. He was modeling generosity by not jumping in and solving our problems for us. He just used different language. Thank you for this alternate view.
Nancy, what a gift your dad gave you! I try to instill the same lesson in my girls—it’s far less about how we got here and much more about what we do next. Self-reflection is important, but we can’t let it hold us back. I love this story—thank you for sharing it!
Happy to testify that you are the full embodiment of everything you wrote here. You're amazing, Momma. Thank you for teaching me resilience through generosity and modeling.
And you are living proof of just how capable our kids are when we simply step back and let them soar. The world is yours for the taking, sweet girl—keep doing your thing. It’s an honor to have a front-row seat to your life unfolding. Forever cheering you on. ❤️
Thanks for a great post. I think this is the single most important thing we parents can aspire to - and the parenting advice industry should emphasize. The problem with the industry is that truly getting behind 'less is more' means reducing the blitz of parenting advice, and we've all become habituated to 'flooding the zone' to borrow an unsavory political term.
The ‘blitz of parenting advice’ is real, and you’re absolutely right—less is more. We can’t go wrong if we follow our instincts, stay flexible and creative, and trust in our kids’ abilities. After all, the whole purpose of parenting is to launch them into the world as self-sufficient, strong humans.
Now, the real challenge—how do we keep beating this drum without becoming part of the blitz ourselves?
This was sooooooo good, Erin. So much meat here. You are the master of one-liners. When I read your pieces on parenting, I often find meaning for my own life, wisdom to apply to how I can change and choose to live aside from being a mom. Example here: "Purpose isn’t just shaped by what we give—it’s shaped by what we’re given the space to do." I wasn't raised with the space to risk anything. I was raised by a mom who feared the world, because she had unresolved childhood trauma that made her feel perpetually unsafe. And she believed she was being generous by preventing me from experiencing failure or betrayal or heartache or being lost or broke. I know her motivation was love. But what I am learning is that love involves a whole lot more letting go than hanging on. It's about gradually pulling yourself away from your child, or allowing her to do that, so that she can grow into the person she's meant to become aside from my conditioning or expectations or fears. That's probably the hardest lesson I am learning as my oldest two are in the thick of adolescence.
And you, as always, bring a depth to the conversation that I’m so grateful for.
Over the past couple of years, I’ve been encouraged to measure my interactions, relationships, and responses with one simple question: Am I motivated by fear or love? It’s been a game-changer in how I make decisions across all areas of my life.
The outcome is often surprising—love sometimes calls me to do less, while fear is usually the driver behind my tendency to overfunction. But unlearning years of patterns takes immense practice and discipline.
Some days, I’m more successful than others. But we keep at it, right? Growth isn’t about perfection—it’s about persistence.
YES: “Am I motivated by fear or love?” Love tends to give us pause, to wait, to be patient and think, while fear tends to lead to a sense of urgency and therefore impulsive reaction. Great way to summarize this, Erin!
I love this idea of self-reinforcing confidence that flows from generosity. Great read and thoughts, Erin!
Thanks so much, Lou!
This essay about generosity and the restraint thereof, is such a powerful message. I remember my dad telling me that failing is never the issue, not getting back up is. He would then go on about what is on the end of a pencil opposite the graphite point? After we would say "an eraser," he would assure us that everyone makes mistakes. Making mistakes are not the problem, not learning from them is. In his own way he was teaching us that parents can't, not they should try to fix everything, that we need room to grow. He was modeling generosity by not jumping in and solving our problems for us. He just used different language. Thank you for this alternate view.
Nancy, what a gift your dad gave you! I try to instill the same lesson in my girls—it’s far less about how we got here and much more about what we do next. Self-reflection is important, but we can’t let it hold us back. I love this story—thank you for sharing it!
Happy to testify that you are the full embodiment of everything you wrote here. You're amazing, Momma. Thank you for teaching me resilience through generosity and modeling.
And you are living proof of just how capable our kids are when we simply step back and let them soar. The world is yours for the taking, sweet girl—keep doing your thing. It’s an honor to have a front-row seat to your life unfolding. Forever cheering you on. ❤️
Thanks for a great post. I think this is the single most important thing we parents can aspire to - and the parenting advice industry should emphasize. The problem with the industry is that truly getting behind 'less is more' means reducing the blitz of parenting advice, and we've all become habituated to 'flooding the zone' to borrow an unsavory political term.
Exactly & Literally what keeps me up at night!
https://open.substack.com/pub/tracydennistiwary/p/dear-fellow-psychologists?r=3dgoy&utm_medium=ios
The ‘blitz of parenting advice’ is real, and you’re absolutely right—less is more. We can’t go wrong if we follow our instincts, stay flexible and creative, and trust in our kids’ abilities. After all, the whole purpose of parenting is to launch them into the world as self-sufficient, strong humans.
Now, the real challenge—how do we keep beating this drum without becoming part of the blitz ourselves?
"sometimes, the most powerful form of generosity is restraint" -- well said, well thought.
Thank you so much, Carll.
This was sooooooo good, Erin. So much meat here. You are the master of one-liners. When I read your pieces on parenting, I often find meaning for my own life, wisdom to apply to how I can change and choose to live aside from being a mom. Example here: "Purpose isn’t just shaped by what we give—it’s shaped by what we’re given the space to do." I wasn't raised with the space to risk anything. I was raised by a mom who feared the world, because she had unresolved childhood trauma that made her feel perpetually unsafe. And she believed she was being generous by preventing me from experiencing failure or betrayal or heartache or being lost or broke. I know her motivation was love. But what I am learning is that love involves a whole lot more letting go than hanging on. It's about gradually pulling yourself away from your child, or allowing her to do that, so that she can grow into the person she's meant to become aside from my conditioning or expectations or fears. That's probably the hardest lesson I am learning as my oldest two are in the thick of adolescence.
And you, as always, bring a depth to the conversation that I’m so grateful for.
Over the past couple of years, I’ve been encouraged to measure my interactions, relationships, and responses with one simple question: Am I motivated by fear or love? It’s been a game-changer in how I make decisions across all areas of my life.
The outcome is often surprising—love sometimes calls me to do less, while fear is usually the driver behind my tendency to overfunction. But unlearning years of patterns takes immense practice and discipline.
Some days, I’m more successful than others. But we keep at it, right? Growth isn’t about perfection—it’s about persistence.
YES: “Am I motivated by fear or love?” Love tends to give us pause, to wait, to be patient and think, while fear tends to lead to a sense of urgency and therefore impulsive reaction. Great way to summarize this, Erin!