I am on the other end of parenting--the all done end of it. (But are we ever truly all done? I would say, no.)
However, my girls are grown and living their good lives. At least the two that are alive are.
I have been scanning pictures of my three when they were young. Feeling a bit nostalgic.
At least, until I recall the dreads. Those time when it was "wash, rinse, repeat."
And there is a lot of that in parenting. Where we do the same things over and over again. The times that are not fun, they're more like necessary drudgery.
This article helps to realign expectations. It's ok to acknowledge that some of parenting is just plain drudgery--you don't have to like it, you just have to get through it.
Thank you so much for this generous note, Nancy—and for sharing a glimpse of your own journey. I can only imagine how tender it must feel to sift through old photos.
I'm moved that this piece resonated with you. Naming the drudgery doesn't take away from the love—it just makes the love more honest. Thanks for reading and always reflecting so thoughtfully.
This piece really delves into the profound disconnect between the idealized narrative of parenting and its gritty, unglam glamorous reality. We're bombarded with images and stories that suggest parenthood is a continuous highlight reel, a journey of pure, unadulterated bliss, and anything less means parents are somehow failing. But as you brilliantly highlight, "a lot of parenting isn’t emotionally rewarding—because it’s not designed to be. It’s logistical. Repetitive. Sensory-heavy. Time-bound. Often invisible."
This truth, when truly absorbed, is a game-changer, even for those of us without children. It shifts the burden of proof from a parent's personal emotional state to the flawed societal expectations themselves. From an outside perspective, it makes me wonder: what if the most radical act of love in parenting isn't about feeling a certain way, but about showing up consistently and imperfectly, acknowledging the struggle, and finding peace in the commitment rather than the fleeting joy? It's a powerful reminder that we all grapple with idealized narratives versus reality in various aspects of life, and this insight into the parenting experience offers a valuable broader perspective.
I love how you zoomed out to connect it to other parts of life—we’re all walking around with highlight reels in our heads, measuring ourselves against stories that were never meant to be the standard.
I couldn't agree more. Shifting the focus from individual emotions to collective expectations is a game-changer. It doesn’t just free parents from shame—it reminds us all that meaning isn’t always loud or beautiful. Sometimes it’s quiet, messy, and maddeningly ordinary. And still… it counts. I’m really grateful you took the time to share this, my friend.
Yes, Erin, I felt this so deeply. For me, real parenting is exactly what you said, showing up consistently, even when it’s hard, even when it’s overwhelming. Real love is showing up. That’s the part that matters most. And I believe it’s not just in parenting, but in every relationship. The proof of love lies in commitment. In staying, caring, and trying, even on the days when there’s nothing shiny or fulfilling about it. Thank you for naming this so clearly.
I can’t wait to talk to you about how much parenting sucks most of the time… haha
My favorite of this series yet.
Something I need to remind myself of quite often in which you’ve now given me plenty of powerful quotes and content to help.
A lot like the 80/20 principle, some days feel like 80% of the effort is challenging and unproductive (not true as it’s often an investment for the future) but that 20% is more gratifying than anything else in my life. Those subtle connections are everything. Like you said, it doesn’t erase the hard but wisdom like you just put out can help reframe it for what it is without tying in unnecessary guilt or rumination which I’m definitely prone to do
I appreciate that you introduced the 80/20 principle. Most of this gig is about the long game, and it’s easy to forget that when the ROI isn’t immediate (or visible at all).
And yes to those small, powerful moments—the quiet connections that make it all feel worth it, even when 80% feels like a grind.
Love this: “Delight isn’t the proof of good parenting. It’s a bonus.”
I am on the other end of parenting--the all done end of it. (But are we ever truly all done? I would say, no.)
However, my girls are grown and living their good lives. At least the two that are alive are.
I have been scanning pictures of my three when they were young. Feeling a bit nostalgic.
At least, until I recall the dreads. Those time when it was "wash, rinse, repeat."
And there is a lot of that in parenting. Where we do the same things over and over again. The times that are not fun, they're more like necessary drudgery.
This article helps to realign expectations. It's ok to acknowledge that some of parenting is just plain drudgery--you don't have to like it, you just have to get through it.
Erin, I enjoy reading your perspective.
Thank you so much for this generous note, Nancy—and for sharing a glimpse of your own journey. I can only imagine how tender it must feel to sift through old photos.
I'm moved that this piece resonated with you. Naming the drudgery doesn't take away from the love—it just makes the love more honest. Thanks for reading and always reflecting so thoughtfully.
This piece really delves into the profound disconnect between the idealized narrative of parenting and its gritty, unglam glamorous reality. We're bombarded with images and stories that suggest parenthood is a continuous highlight reel, a journey of pure, unadulterated bliss, and anything less means parents are somehow failing. But as you brilliantly highlight, "a lot of parenting isn’t emotionally rewarding—because it’s not designed to be. It’s logistical. Repetitive. Sensory-heavy. Time-bound. Often invisible."
This truth, when truly absorbed, is a game-changer, even for those of us without children. It shifts the burden of proof from a parent's personal emotional state to the flawed societal expectations themselves. From an outside perspective, it makes me wonder: what if the most radical act of love in parenting isn't about feeling a certain way, but about showing up consistently and imperfectly, acknowledging the struggle, and finding peace in the commitment rather than the fleeting joy? It's a powerful reminder that we all grapple with idealized narratives versus reality in various aspects of life, and this insight into the parenting experience offers a valuable broader perspective.
I love how you zoomed out to connect it to other parts of life—we’re all walking around with highlight reels in our heads, measuring ourselves against stories that were never meant to be the standard.
I couldn't agree more. Shifting the focus from individual emotions to collective expectations is a game-changer. It doesn’t just free parents from shame—it reminds us all that meaning isn’t always loud or beautiful. Sometimes it’s quiet, messy, and maddeningly ordinary. And still… it counts. I’m really grateful you took the time to share this, my friend.
Yes, Erin, I felt this so deeply. For me, real parenting is exactly what you said, showing up consistently, even when it’s hard, even when it’s overwhelming. Real love is showing up. That’s the part that matters most. And I believe it’s not just in parenting, but in every relationship. The proof of love lies in commitment. In staying, caring, and trying, even on the days when there’s nothing shiny or fulfilling about it. Thank you for naming this so clearly.
Yes! *The proof of love lies in commitment.* So true, Saima.
I can’t wait to talk to you about how much parenting sucks most of the time… haha
My favorite of this series yet.
Something I need to remind myself of quite often in which you’ve now given me plenty of powerful quotes and content to help.
A lot like the 80/20 principle, some days feel like 80% of the effort is challenging and unproductive (not true as it’s often an investment for the future) but that 20% is more gratifying than anything else in my life. Those subtle connections are everything. Like you said, it doesn’t erase the hard but wisdom like you just put out can help reframe it for what it is without tying in unnecessary guilt or rumination which I’m definitely prone to do
Haha, yes—can’t wait for that convo either.
I appreciate that you introduced the 80/20 principle. Most of this gig is about the long game, and it’s easy to forget that when the ROI isn’t immediate (or visible at all).
And yes to those small, powerful moments—the quiet connections that make it all feel worth it, even when 80% feels like a grind.