Excellently said, Erin. "Evolving urgency" is a powerful concept and hits the nail on the head for so many parents these days. I can't wait for the next installment about the grind; that's an age-old struggle for me (though I feel guilty admitting it).
This is full of so much wisdom in a realistic, gentle way. With 4 young kids, I simply cannot physically and mentally handle allllll of their big emotions all day long. It's not good for either of us, but gives them the chance to regulate and work through their own emotions in a way that is not neglectful but helpful in giving them space to learn and grow. Thanks for sharing, Erin!
#2 Don’t give too much of a shit that you’re emotional over rational.
#2 allows for an effective #1.
I love your writing style and how well you articulate these concepts. Everything in our bodies as caring parents wants to “help” because of how much we love and care. That pause before any emotional reaction, especially the ones with those we love most, is imperative.
The more you do it, the easier it gets (even though it’s still incredibly difficult and you’ll regularly fail at it in the dynamic parenting realm).
Yes! That tension between caring deeply and staying steady is the whole game, especially in the moments that feel the most charged. I love how you framed it: empathy doesn’t have to come at the expense of clarity. That pause is everything.
reorient is the word of the year! having a typical 12yr old and 2 younger ones with profound nonspeaking autism, it's a word that comes in handy literally hourly (if not more;)
“Reorient” is the unsung hero of so many parenting moments. It’s not loud or flashy, but it’s the move that keeps us grounded when everything feels like it’s shifting. Hourly sounds about right—you’re carrying a lot and offering a voice so many need to hear. Cheering you on!
This is a truth we often forget. It’s so tempting to jump in and rescue, but real resilience grows in those moments when we stay close, calm, and let them ride the waves with our presence as their anchor. We owe them the chance of learning that they are capable. Thank you for writing it!
Yes—exactly this. It’s one of the hardest things to remember in the moment: that our calm presence is doing something. Holding steady feels passive, but it’s powerful. Thank you for naming that so clearly!
"Signals not sirens" is going to be my new mantra when somebody is blowing up or melting down. I'm pretty sure fear is at the root of most of the mistakes I've made in my life.😞
Thanks so much, Anne, and wow, do I relate to that. Fear’s been behind so many of my own missteps, too—especially the ones that felt urgent in the moment. We’re all out here trying to do our best, aren't we? Less fear, more love. 🧡
Erin, this is such a thoughtful reminder about how important it is to hold steady when our children are overwhelmed. Boys especially can struggle with big emotions, and as a single mother raising sons, I’ve seen how vital it is to give them space to feel without rushing to fix. Emotional regulation isn’t about stopping feelings but helping them learn to sit with those feelings safely. Your post beautifully captures that balance between presence and boundaries. Thank you for sharing this perspective.
If anyone is looking for practical strategies on how to support boys in managing their emotions, I’ve shared some steps in my recent post
How to Set Boundaries with Your Son Without Breaking the Bond — Five Essential Strategies for Mothers | #5 👇🏻
Thank you, Saima—this means a lot. You’re doing such important work, especially raising boys in a world that doesn’t always make space for their full emotional range.
I'm in the middle of moving, but I look forward to circling back to the post you shared once I'm settled.
Excellently said, Erin. "Evolving urgency" is a powerful concept and hits the nail on the head for so many parents these days. I can't wait for the next installment about the grind; that's an age-old struggle for me (though I feel guilty admitting it).
This is full of so much wisdom in a realistic, gentle way. With 4 young kids, I simply cannot physically and mentally handle allllll of their big emotions all day long. It's not good for either of us, but gives them the chance to regulate and work through their own emotions in a way that is not neglectful but helpful in giving them space to learn and grow. Thanks for sharing, Erin!
Empathy over sympathy.
#1 Show up and give a shit.
#2 Don’t give too much of a shit that you’re emotional over rational.
#2 allows for an effective #1.
I love your writing style and how well you articulate these concepts. Everything in our bodies as caring parents wants to “help” because of how much we love and care. That pause before any emotional reaction, especially the ones with those we love most, is imperative.
The more you do it, the easier it gets (even though it’s still incredibly difficult and you’ll regularly fail at it in the dynamic parenting realm).
Yes! That tension between caring deeply and staying steady is the whole game, especially in the moments that feel the most charged. I love how you framed it: empathy doesn’t have to come at the expense of clarity. That pause is everything.
reorient is the word of the year! having a typical 12yr old and 2 younger ones with profound nonspeaking autism, it's a word that comes in handy literally hourly (if not more;)
“Reorient” is the unsung hero of so many parenting moments. It’s not loud or flashy, but it’s the move that keeps us grounded when everything feels like it’s shifting. Hourly sounds about right—you’re carrying a lot and offering a voice so many need to hear. Cheering you on!
This is a truth we often forget. It’s so tempting to jump in and rescue, but real resilience grows in those moments when we stay close, calm, and let them ride the waves with our presence as their anchor. We owe them the chance of learning that they are capable. Thank you for writing it!
Yes—exactly this. It’s one of the hardest things to remember in the moment: that our calm presence is doing something. Holding steady feels passive, but it’s powerful. Thank you for naming that so clearly!
"Signals not sirens" is going to be my new mantra when somebody is blowing up or melting down. I'm pretty sure fear is at the root of most of the mistakes I've made in my life.😞
Thanks so much, Anne, and wow, do I relate to that. Fear’s been behind so many of my own missteps, too—especially the ones that felt urgent in the moment. We’re all out here trying to do our best, aren't we? Less fear, more love. 🧡
Erin, this is such a thoughtful reminder about how important it is to hold steady when our children are overwhelmed. Boys especially can struggle with big emotions, and as a single mother raising sons, I’ve seen how vital it is to give them space to feel without rushing to fix. Emotional regulation isn’t about stopping feelings but helping them learn to sit with those feelings safely. Your post beautifully captures that balance between presence and boundaries. Thank you for sharing this perspective.
If anyone is looking for practical strategies on how to support boys in managing their emotions, I’ve shared some steps in my recent post
How to Set Boundaries with Your Son Without Breaking the Bond — Five Essential Strategies for Mothers | #5 👇🏻
[https://reflectionsfromsaima.substack.com/p/how-to-set-boundaries-with-your-son?r=5l18mb].
Thank you, Saima—this means a lot. You’re doing such important work, especially raising boys in a world that doesn’t always make space for their full emotional range.
I'm in the middle of moving, but I look forward to circling back to the post you shared once I'm settled.
Wow this is good. Such a great perspective and reminder.. focusing on the goal of all this emotional work. Thank you for writing this!
Thank you, Jenna! I appreciate you.