This is a powerful dismantling of the “graceful parent” myth, the idea that if we’re calm, we’re competent, and if we’re not, we must be failing.The cost of the myth is isolation.
Yes! That’s the real damage, isn’t it? Not just the pressure to perform *calm*, but the silence it creates when we can’t. The myth isolates us right when we most need support, solidarity, and permission to be human. Grateful you named it so clearly, Aleksandra!
Thank you for writing the article. I don’t know why we are so afraid to be imperfect. When we are not afraid to be imperfect we burst the bubble and get closer to each other. Only to discover everyone is imperfect and we should revel in it. I’ll stop being a philosopher now 😋
What I love about this essay, Erin, is that it's a timely reflection for many parents, but also offers nearly universal insight into living life in general. Comparison is such a delicate balance... sometimes helpful, as we can learn from others, but it quickly morphs into blindly following, to our (and our children's) detriment.
Bringing it back to the focal point of our children, like you say, is the guiding light: is this the right thing for this child, right now?
Thanks, Jesse. Couldn't agree more—it's a delicate balance. Comparison can so easily begin (or masquerade) as research or inspiration, and before we know it, we’re parenting someone else’s kid in someone else’s context. Always grateful for the way you think and write through this work, too.
I spend a lot of time talking with my students about comparison. High schoolers are incredibly vulnerable during college admissions; it's natural for them to feel like they come up short when they hear about who got in where. Comparison truly is the thief of joy. We often only see one person's 'win' or 'shiny presentation,' but the full context—their journey, their struggles, their unique situation—is almost always invisible to us.
Thank you for this 🙏🏻 I actually have a timer in phone that goes off every day that says “you’re not perfect and it’s okay!”
That's a clever idea, Kerri!
This is a powerful dismantling of the “graceful parent” myth, the idea that if we’re calm, we’re competent, and if we’re not, we must be failing.The cost of the myth is isolation.
Yes! That’s the real damage, isn’t it? Not just the pressure to perform *calm*, but the silence it creates when we can’t. The myth isolates us right when we most need support, solidarity, and permission to be human. Grateful you named it so clearly, Aleksandra!
Thank you for writing the article. I don’t know why we are so afraid to be imperfect. When we are not afraid to be imperfect we burst the bubble and get closer to each other. Only to discover everyone is imperfect and we should revel in it. I’ll stop being a philosopher now 😋
I agree with every word of this... except the philosopher part. 😉 This message is welcome here, always!! Keep saying it.
What I love about this essay, Erin, is that it's a timely reflection for many parents, but also offers nearly universal insight into living life in general. Comparison is such a delicate balance... sometimes helpful, as we can learn from others, but it quickly morphs into blindly following, to our (and our children's) detriment.
Bringing it back to the focal point of our children, like you say, is the guiding light: is this the right thing for this child, right now?
Thanks, Jesse. Couldn't agree more—it's a delicate balance. Comparison can so easily begin (or masquerade) as research or inspiration, and before we know it, we’re parenting someone else’s kid in someone else’s context. Always grateful for the way you think and write through this work, too.
I spend a lot of time talking with my students about comparison. High schoolers are incredibly vulnerable during college admissions; it's natural for them to feel like they come up short when they hear about who got in where. Comparison truly is the thief of joy. We often only see one person's 'win' or 'shiny presentation,' but the full context—their journey, their struggles, their unique situation—is almost always invisible to us.
Great point, Carrie! Parents don’t have a monopoly on comparison. Your students are so lucky to have you. 🧡