What Are We Doing to Our Daughters?

Raising Girls in a Culture That Rewards Silence and Punishes Their Instincts

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When I was in my twenties, I was introduced to the book The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker.

Its core idea was simple but revolutionary: when women trusted themselves and recognized the subtle signals that often preceded violence, they weren’t paralyzed by fear—they were prepared. They didn’t have to live in a constant state of hypervigilance because they knew they had the tools and intuition to act when it mattered most.

It taught a generation of women that their instincts weren’t just valid—they were vital. It was a movement that encouraged women to reclaim control in a world that often made them feel powerless. The book made such an impact that de Becker was even interviewed on Oprah, bringing his message to millions of women who needed to hear it.

Nearly 30 years later, we haven’t just undone what that movement accomplished—we’ve annihilated it.

Today, our daughters are being told that same intuition is outdated. Worse, it’s bigoted. Fear, discomfort, and even hesitation are now signs of intolerance. The cultural message is loud and clear: if your intuition tells you something’s off, bury it. Be silent. Be compliant. Be small.

Over the past several years, airports, shopping centers, schools, and public buildings across the country have quietly replaced male and female restrooms with gender-neutral facilities. No warning. No majority rule. Just a sweeping change—and still, no one seems to be asking the most obvious question: Why? Or, more urgently: Whose well-being is now at risk?

Imagine your nine-year-old daughter standing in line for the restroom, surrounded by a group of middle-aged men. She stiffens. Her body knows something’s wrong before her thoughts catch up. Her instincts scream.

But she’s been conditioned to stay quiet. To walk in anyway. Because trusting herself, or responding to potential threat, is now considered offensive.

She’s been groomed to override that primal warning. Be tolerant. Be nice. Be still. That’s what our culture now demands.

There was a time when discernment wasn’t controversial; it was common sense. Asking questions wasn’t defiance—it was responsibility.

Why are we hellbent on teaching our daughters that to be safe is to be selfish? That their discomfort is less important than someone else’s validation? That to safeguard themselves is to harm others?

These are dangerous lies and a destructive path.

Long before they’re tested in the open, the conditioning of our daughters begins.